MODIFIED FREE RANGE

I sell my eggs every Tuesday. To be able to do that my chickens must be cooped up during the day. But right now in North Texas, it is grass hopper season. Free flying yummy food for my girls. Plus fresh green grass.

So I am letting my girls out each evening at 5pm and closing the gates at 9pm. You should have heard them last night when I first let them out. Happy Hen sounds.

It is time to plant for Fall. I will be planting kale, chard, and maybe arugula. I am planting in Raised beds.
I will also be planting red carrots. I was amazed at how well they did in the spring planting.

I am fighting grass competition with small trees right now. I am finding out that it is just too hard on very small trees. I am going to invest in larger trees.

However I am also going to invest in small trees that I put into root pots to grow for several years.

With all of this garbage mental sadness I have been dealing with I am realizing something. What do I want? What is my dream?

Answer: To create a productive small farm

How: Help and planning. Don't give up on the plan. Get debt free again and then budget in an amount per month toward that dream.

What will I accomplish: I will have a farm worth selling at the very least.

What I am doing today: My grand son is coming to help me gain control over the grass out growing my little fruit trees. I bought 50 more feet of hose to reach all the little trees and irrigation begins due to the slow down of rain here.
I have a handy man coming tomorrow to review the work that needs to be done on the house. I am going to start him replacing rotten trim wood and fascia. In short, getting the house sale ready if it comes to that. Hopefully it will not.
Replace the door and gates on the winter chicken coop...I plan to use that coop to brood meat chickens
Order 30 meat chickens and pre-sell them. If they do not sell then they will be mine.

Refill and plant one raised bed garden with winter greens, carrots, etc.

Spray my barn for spiders....yes I am an arachnophobe. But my barn is full of black widow spiders. I want that area back!

Spray the driveway with round up...yes the evil stuff. But I spent thousands on my new driveway and I want to protect it from being taken over. Again a selling point.

Long term...do dirt work to level a spot for two high tunnels with which to raise trees to sell and for planting here.

So in short? I REFUSE TO GIVE UP OR GIVE IN...NOT YET

FAMILY VACATION

I love my family. 10 of us drove to the beach and spent almost a week there. Good food. Love being with my family.

The bad thing was the 12 hour drive there and back. This was very painful with my knees and health issues. This was the first time I knew I would not be able to do that again.

While I was away I had a farm sitter coming twice a day to pick up eggs and feed and water all the animals.

While away my aged livestock guardian dog passed away. This made me sad while on vacation and made all my grand kids very sad. It also made coming home more sad.

As I sit here after getting home all I can do is cry. You should not be depressed and sad after a family vacation. But I am because I could not enjoy my family like I wanted to! I had to be left out of evenings sitting out on the beach with everyone.

Anyway I am going to drink some coffee and cook some dinner and try to get my self together.

LIVING FARM LIFE WITH A DISABILITY

My story really started on the day I packed my bags and left my husband of 20 years. It was an amiable break up compared to others. We tried very hard to make it as easy as possible on our teen aged children. I had the poverty level income and did not try to rake my husband over the court room coals by making him poor as well. So the kids stayed with him on what had been our farm so that they could graduate with out much disruption.


Apartment life after living on a farm was a horror. He kept the bills because he had the money. He also kept his retirement. I didn’t know I had earned half of that. Year 2 when the apartment lease was up sent me to a rental home on half an acre. Still living on a poverty level income it was hard just to survive.


A friend of a friend suggested that I apply for a job at her company. It was a very good solid company and I would have a future with them. I did and got a job as an admin. Entry level was double what I was making before. This was going to help a lot.


With the new job, I was able to save money. Year 3 found me looking for a tiny home in a city where there were still small old homes in peaceful neighborhoods. A mortgage loan officer took pity on me and took a chance. I bought a 700 square foot home on a very large city lot. I grew a garden and started teaching myself skills such as how to tan hides, can and preserve food from the garden. I was gifted a horse (of all things) and had to find a place to board her.


In exchange for board at a local farm, I took care of the goats on the farm. The farm owners were retired and wanted to travel so it saved me money. My dream was always to own a real farm of my own. But I could not figure out how to do that and have a mortgage payment.

Finally I decided to rent my home and live in a camper on the goat farm to save money for a significant down payment. I did that for 3 years. And finally I found my farm.


I had dated after the divorce but only one relationship had been serious only to have it end tragically. It was enough to make me decide that I needed to focus on me and my family. So alone I bought a 3 acre farm in North Texas. It had a 1200 square foot home, a run down shed in the back, a pond and a poor quality fence.


But it was mine.


I had some plans but not a game plan. I wanted fruit trees, nut trees, chickens and a garden. But I didn’t know how to do any of that. Not really. I didn’t know how bad weeds could be to deal with and how hard everything was alone.


I had not been taught to use power tools. And on top of that my father had not taught me how to build things with just one person. The tricks I am just coming to see that a person can use as a second set of hands.


I didn’t know how hard grass was to contend with alone. My farm takes 3 hours to mow on a riding lawn mower end to end.


I didn’t know that investing in a good quality gas weed eater at the beginning would have saved me much money and heart ache. Now I know.


After 9 years on the farm and not much to show for it, I was beginning to read about permaculture, and small farms. I realized that I really needed a plan for my farm. And I needed to plan how to achieve those plans.


I loved the hard work, I love building things, planting things and caring for my few animals. But I loved my job too and it was a 1 hour commute each way, 5 days a week minimum. That drive makes a person want to do little when they get home.


The stress of the commute, stress of planning, getting in debt and then trying to get out of debt, and being lonely, finally took its tole on me. I stood up from my desk at work late one night to go home and I could not open my hands! I pulled my fingers open and flexed them and thought “How weird”…and then drove home.


The next morning I tried to get out of bed and almost could not. Pain raced through my body. Joints screamed, muscles screamed, my hands would not work. I could not dress. I almost could not get off of the toilet. Finally in tears I called my manager and told her I could not come in to work.


After hours I was finally able to dress. I pulled myself from my home and to my truck. I drove myself to my doctors office and sat in the parking lot and cried until they opened. My hope was that this was something simple. Surly my doctor would be able to fix this.


Instead I was treated like a psychopath by her staff. She would not fit me in. Finally after hours I was able to see the nurse practitioner who did treat me with compassion. But all she could do was begin the diagnostic process. I didn’t realize it would be 2 years before I had the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.


That is where I am right now. For the past year, although I am still moving forward with my farm plan, I am moving at a tired snails pace. As my joints deteriorate, I am able to do less and less. My hopes become hopeless ness. And I don’t know if I will even be able to stay on my farm.

My doctor finally has developed a plan to treat me. But how I will respond is anyone’s guess.  

So how do you farm with a disability? Here are some suggestions.


Number one….be out of debt! If you are in debt get out of it asap. Including your mortgage. There is a reason for this. When you have a disability, you must hire someone to help you on the farm. Even just a handyman. But if you are alone, and if you have a disability, you can’t do this on your own.

Farm help is not cheap and you can count on it not being very reliable either if it is part time. There are some intern options out there however don’t count on that. It is helpful having apps such as Nextdoor to find locally recommended handy men.


Man or woman, living with a disability is very hard. Even without a farm. The very hardest thing to live with, when your disability is not visible, is dealing with the disproving looks from others when you park in a handy cap spot and have all of your arms and legs and are walking when you get out of your vehicle.


I have learned that pain is mostly invisible. And I try to ignore or forgive others for treating me this way.


Even my own family as loving as they are, do not understand. They have their own lives and don’t live close and are not willing to go out of their way to help me for the most part. My grandsons are the most helpful but again, I must pay them for their hard work.


So where do I go from here? Here being: I am again back in debt, my truck is aging, and I am looking at double knee replacement surgery soon in my future. My medical costs are mounting. And handyman costs are increasing.


How is my farm producing? Well I have 35 egg layers who are aging and 20 new egg layers who will be producing this fall. I have 5 egg laying ducks as well. I sell over 11 dozen eggs a week and always sell out.


Last year I used 3 chicken tractors to raise a years worth of pasture raised organic meat chickens, I took them and had them processed because I finally admitted that I am unable physically to do that by myself and never could get anyone to help me.


Just the process of taking 30 meat chickens to the processor is a huge job when you have a disability. Each bird weighs about 7-8 pounds each and has to be picked up and walked to where the transport box is. Then the box must be lifted into the transport vehicle and all must be strapped down.


Then before the sun comes up you must make the drive and get to the processor before the sun comes up. Then you must go back on the same day and pick up the processed chickens. After getting home, 150 pounds of cold chickens must be moved from the truck up the porch and into the house to be stored in the freezer.


For a healthy person this sounds easy. But not for a person in a large amount of pain.


Before processing day, 50 pound bags of feed must be purchased, loaded in the truck weekly and off loaded at home. Up to 500 pounds of feed per 30 birds must be purchased and unloaded.

That is just the meat birds. The egg layers go through 200 pounds of feed every 2 weeks. I have a large auto feeder so I can fill this just once every two weeks.


I have 10 meat ducks right now in a movable tractor. That must be moved once a day, their water dumped and refilled and their food filled. I do have help for that upcoming processing day. But as of right now I am out of home raised chickens. The freezer is almost bare.


The way I deal with unloading feed is to use a wheel barrow. Right now I can put 3 bags in at a time and move them. Some days are easier than others. Some days I only do one bag at a time but then I must make the trip from the truck to the chicken pen 3 times. Both are hard.


I use leverage picking up the bags and getting the feed into the auto feeder. I have to be careful in the chicken pen because the bored girls love digging holes that I could possibly fall in.


My garden was taken over last year by johnson grass. A well meaning neighbor gifted me with manure from her horse farm and did not know the hay she fed her animals was filled with seeds. I lost my whole garden because I was unable to keep up. Johnson grass roots can travel hundreds of feet from the mother plant. Each root has a razor sharp point that can poke through any weed barrier. And by the time it makes it’s appearance above the dirt line the entire bed has been over taken underneath.


Due to health costs, I have been unable to start over. If I ever am able to make a new garden, I will hire a man with a bulldozer to take off the top 6 inches of soil and remove it from my farm. Then I will build raised beds and a solid greenhouse.


With these I possibly could raise at least some of my own vegetable that are very important for me to eat. And could possibly try to grow plants and trees that I could sell to make extra money.


I would love to sell meat birds ready for people to butcher on their own, and trees for others to plant. I would love to raise and sell egg layers but right now don’t have the infrastructure to do that. I stay hopeful… however when I have a day like today, my hopes blow away. Depression kicks in, and I don’t feel that I will be able to keep the farm and build it into my dream farm.

So if you dream of a farm but have a disability and don’t think you can, all I say is maybe you can. Plan on help. Get help from your doctor, from others, from persons you hire. But don’t go into it blind. Make a game plan for your farm and then take time to write out the steps you think you must take to achieve it.  It will cost more because you must hire help. If your financial plan is solid, you can homestead and farm on your own even disabled.





I

HOMESTEAD PARTNER

It dawned on me today how very blessed anyone is who has a partner who is on the same track as they are.

How many of you are so blessed?

I can't even imaging having a partner to plan with and work with. Someone who can steady a board during a build or give an extra hand in the garden.

My partners can't help with such things. They can only kill predators and offer moral support and love. That will have to be enough.

2019 HOPES

What can a person accomplish on a farm, single, and with a pain filled life?

What I will probably not do is much, on the farm. I have planted pecan seeds, hazelnut seeds, goji berry seeds, and lettuce. If the trees thrive they will be transferred to cloth bags and then to the ground.

I have a bag of brand new seeds and onion sets. I think my goal this year is just the herbs myself and my grand son love for tea. And home grown and home dried onions to powder.

The Goji Berry seeds I have planted have sprouted. The lettuce is up! I will water everything with compost tea.

I will plant the Goji Berry plants, if they survive around the outside of the chicken pen.

I have taken cuttings from the fig tree and Kiowa Blackberries. If these are successful I will plant those around the farm.

I must have a plumber dig up a leaking field hydrant and change it out. $$$

I will keep the field fire ant free and mowed. I will use my amazing Stihl weed eater with a blade to fight back the wild.

My live stock guardians will fight to protect my flock.

I will try very hard to clean one room every day since that is the most I can do.

Although home cooked is best and cheapest, I may have to go back to frozen dinners. That will keep down the work I have to do in the kitchen.

I will sell all the eggs I can and I will buy more chickens so I can sell more.

I will use the winter chicken pen to grow everything I can. Green beans and cucumbers are a huge goal. To eat fresh and to freeze. I hope to grow winter squash, water melons, spinach.

I need a heavy duty garden fork to break up the hard soil.

I plan to buy one roll of woven garden fabric to see if it will kill Johnson grass and Bermuda grass. I am doubtful. But if it will then I will use it to protect one area for a garden. I will plant tomato plants but not until next year.

I must find out what the Texas laws are about selling seed starts online and at the farmers market.

I have discovered how much I like to paint with acrylics. I have many completed that make me smile. I will give any away to friends and family that want them and I will hang the rest. When I run out of room I may actually try to sell some. Would that not be a kicker?

Considering my condition these are lofty goals. Wish me luck.

Are any of you struggling to accomplish your hopes this year?

HOMESTEADING AND DEPRESSION

She lives alone.
She is not old and not young.
She deals with chronic pain from an auto - immune disorder.
She loves her children and grand children.
When she walks out on the porch she can see her pond...ducks floating.
Her new red barn is before her.
She sees here hard working egg laying hens all looking at her for food.
Sitting in front of her are two large livestock guardian dogs. They are smiling.
To her left are 2 cats watching to see her next move.
She steps from a home with a roof that does not leak.
She has running water and electricity.
However her propane is not working due to a deteriorated line.
Her propane oven is broken.
Here electric dryer is broken.
Her heater is non functioning.
Her guest bathroom tub has a leak under the house.
She must unload over 200lbs of animal feed every two weeks by herself.
When she looks over her fields she sees both animal feed as well as grasses that invade every garden attempt.
She sees chickens that have escaped their pen and are working at destroying her fall/winter garden.
In her mind she reviews the amount of repairs that must take place to live in a fully repaired comfortable home:
Propane line: $1500
Oven: $600
Dishwasher: $40 to fix the top rack
House leveling: $2500
Dryer: $600
Interior paint $5000
Exterior rot repairs $2000
Exterior paint $2000
Leaking irrigation system: Who knows how much that will cost. 
Here she stops because she could go on and on
Monthly costs: fire ant killer $100 just to keep from being over run

She glances at her wonderful Tundra. She loves that truck. It needs work too:
Tires: $1000
Struts and shocks $1000
Battery: $200
Tail Gate Latch: $350
And it had over 240k miles.

Then she tries to think of her accomplishments:
Pasture raised chicken for herself and her daughter/grand kids: $2300 per year
A full time job she loves.

Tears burn at the corners of her eyes as she thinks of her children and grand children who she knows love her...but who are not at all interested in having or helping with this farm.
She glanced down at her feet. When was the last time her daughter even came over to visit? Her son?...years

She has been alone/unmarried for almost 19 years. Her ex of course immediately moved on and got married the year after their divorce.
She had to fight for everything after that.
Fighting up from poverty.
Fighting for her own home.
Sacrificing for down payment money for this farm.
If only she had someone...a soul mate with which to share this journey. But she doesn't.
If only she had just another set of hands to help with projects. But she doesn't.

This year she decided to sell...so that she could save money for retirement. However what she found was that rent now was way more than her current house payment. So she was stuck.

Instead of going outside with the weight of the world on her..she goes back inside and goes to her bed where she watches youtube and movies. Just to keep from thinking about anything.

But her mind is always hopeful. So if she is stuck here how will she live?

Well she must tackle repairs. So somehow she must prioritize them and they all cry out that each is the most important.

She has debt.....medical debt and credit card debt. Also house and barn debt. They must be paid off. she knows how to do that if only she had some way to make extra money. But even if she did, would she stop spending too much? That was doubtful.

No one held her accountable. No one helped her. Although she was loved no one cared about her.

She has two girl friends. One in Seattle, one in Phoenix. Neither close but she knows if she needs to vent they are both there to lend an ear. Just not a hand.

This last year she planted 2 apple trees, 2 almond trees, 2 Kiowa blackberry bushes, 4 mulberry trees. And all are still alive. A miracle.

So many wants. Why did she want this farm? She lost her farm in the divorce. All she wanted was a farm...why? Because her fondest memories were of her grandmothers farm. She wanted to give those memories to her 4 grand children. And she felt she has done that. They will always hold in their hearts the fun they had here.

This year she found in her fathers belongings after his death, her grandmothers journal. She was shocked to read the fear and worry in there. Always worried about money, eggs sales. And that she was a bad person.

So much time is being lost to her. Because when there is no money to make repairs, to pay off debt, and no strength to do the work that must get done, then just the bare minimum gets done and the rest of the time is spent laying in bed because the rest of the house is too cold to live in.

As she watches homesteading youtube videos she notices that almost all successful homesteads have at least 2 persons doing the work together.

Does this mean that a single woman can't successfully homestead? Maybe.

Some may have no issues with depression. Some are very self disciplined and always pay bills, save money, never over spend, and never just lay in bed under a black cloud instead of working outside. Those single women usually are not single......or don't have youtube videos.

As sad as it seems she has the ability to have a successful homestead but due to chronic illness must hire the hard work done by someone else. To be able to do that she must be debt free-ish and must save cash for each new project.

So there it is. To have a successful homestead as a single woman with a chronic illness, she must hire a handyman. (fear and panic) How would she find someone she could trust? Well she could not afford it right now....not with this debt load. Beans and rice this year baby.

Are you attempting homesteading alone?  Do you deal with chronic illness and depression? I feel your pain. Good luck.

SELLING THE FARM

This week I realized that w/out being 20 yr old, with having health issues and w/out anyone to help here on the farm, I have to make the decision to sell.

Also my retirement is tied up here. The plan was to retire here but now I realize I can't.

Kids and grand kids don't want to stay in this part of the country. I don't have good friends or neighbors here.

Bruring Family Farm will be where ever I go. Not just this place.

My heart was broken until I realized this. There will always be a BFF. I will always be Mom and Nanna no matter where I live even if it is in an apartment.

So what are my plans?

1. Completely declutter. We are talking minimalist here. So I started a Family Text Message. On it I told everyone I am posting pictures of things in my house and if you want it tell me. Anything that is not wanted I will try to sell or give away.
2. Once everything is gone then I will box up everything that won't stay but that I am going to keep and mark it "with me" or "storage". Yes I will have to have storage
3. I have started a debris pile. this is everything that will be put into a dumpster when it gets here. There is so much
4. My son already claimed all my tools so I have to go through my tools and decide what I will want to keep with me either in storage or at what ever rental I will be in.
5. Then time to paint, repair, and rearrange.
6. Outside I will do some minor repairs and landscaping.
7. There is an old building that needs to be torn down but I likely will not have that done before I sell. We will see what the realtor says.

Nearing spring I will purchase a large amount of fertilizer and will green up the farm faster than I usually do, I will hire a landscape company to come and clean trim and prep

Then I will stage as the realtor says I must and list.

My dream:
I would love to have a small house on an acre somewhere where I don't have to worry about bad neighbors, hoa's or code enforcement. Where I can still raise my own chickens and rabbits and where I can have raised beds to at least have some fresh produce.

This farm was too much for me. Too far from work, too lonely, too much un productive space. Yes that was my own fault. I should have done a better job at planting orchards and caring for gardens. But work was tough....long days and long drives. And when you are alone with no one to encourage you, sometimes depression just takes over.

My son will take my old livestock guardian dog and likely my 3 outdoor cats. Daisy will go with me wherever I go. She is my constant companion.

wish me luck